Defining Self-Satifaction

One thing I still remember from my precious stories back in Dubai is, how can you live in with an unsatisfied feeling. Until....death comes. Hahaha that's sound terribly scary but, gotta admit that there's true though.

Well, life has been so kind to me these days but I try to never, ever, ever admit it. Or think about it (even now I'm writing it, it's contradictory-- I know). Because if you do it, or just me maybe, I'll feel satisfied. Cannot do anything else beside thinking how graceful things I already got. And for me once again, that's a stupid thing to do.

When I told this to someone, he said this is not a good thing. Beside of my religion principle which enforce us to always feel satisfy all the time, he said it will pressuring me all the time. Yeah that's obvious, but now when I think about it I feel a little bit horrified. Turns out I want to be pressured- whatever it is- whenever, wherever. Can you imagine how hard is that? Like your soul being sucking up with Dementor (yes, currently I begin to re-read again each Harry Potter series novel- thank you for being there, library).

I was a carefree people, yeah for me, I don't care since that's relative to everyone. But now I can't imagine how I'll spend my days off without my task or laptop. When I looked at my friend, they just easily do something fun without any pressure that that's pointless or doesn't have any result. And me- currently feel- I can't do that. I never find myself in coffee shop for my own leisure time like I always do back before, always accompanied by laptop, or pen, or whatsoever related to my college life. Maybe if my soul came out from my body and see my own self, I'll throw out so easily. Well, now gotta realize that each part of myself never connected. How sad is that.

Still, there's a speculation that my current condition is because I just got out from my midterm week (which is also scary because I'm not feel thrilled. You can say maybe happy-- less happy than before). And pile of tasks still waiting to be done. So it enforces me to go this way. I hope holiday come soon and I'll be able to find what joy and leisure time is.

Tanto tiempo!